Spatter

Obama's birth certificate: the reddest of herrings

2009-07-14T22:27:00.003-04:00

Brilliant legal mind Alan Keyes--a debit to his profession--is trying to make a case challenging Obama's right to be President due to Keyes' unwillingness to accept the validity of Obama's Hawaiian birth certificate.

A soldier is even refusing to deploy to Afghanistan because (he says) it would be unlawful to him to take orders from a Commander-In-Chief who doesn't have the right to be President.

This is a very old and very tired argument (or maybe I'm just very old, and very tired of hearing it). The theory goes that, because the Constitution requires that a President be a "natural-born citizen", if Obama was not born in the US, he is not a citizen, and therefore ineligible to serve.

The problem with this argument is that it confuses "natural-born" with "native-born". Someone "native-born" was born on US soil. Someone "natural-born" was--at birth--a citizen of the US by then-extant laws, treaties, etc. Since one of those laws states that it is sufficient for only one parent to be a US citizen--and no one disputes that Obama's mother was a US citizen--he is therefore a "natural-born citizen" even if he were not born in Hawaii.

Here's a very cogent article written on the subject.

Meanwhile, Keyes is still a fruit bat, and the soldier is either a coward, a traitor, or an ignoramus.

Meghan McCain is an idiot

2009-06-21T00:01:00.002-04:00

Meghan McCain was a guest on "Real Time with Bill Maher". When she came out, she made a comment about feeling like a kid at the grown-up's table; that was the most perceptive thing she said.

On the one hand, she seems to think that people should listen to what she says because she's the daughter of someone famous; on the other hand, she comes off more as a socialite than sociologist.

When Paul Begala talked about something that happened during the Reagan era, McCain said, "I wasn't born yet so I wouldn't know!" (i.e., "Eww, you're OLD!").

Begala shot back, "I wasn't born during the French Revolution, but I know about it."

It was t'riffic.

Red cap Dr. Pepper lower in carbonation?

2009-04-13T23:26:00.002-04:00

I got a 6-pack of Dr. Pepper the other day that had red caps to match the red color on the label. Each one is considerably lower in carbonation than the usual white-capped bottles.

What's the story?

My heroine

2009-03-02T18:00:00.003-05:00

Aemilia Scott posted "An Open Letter to Outraged Conservatives" on the Huffington Post. It's t'riffic.

Another truffle for the pig

2009-02-19T00:11:00.002-05:00

The New York Post published a cartoon that was a reference to a recent police shooting of a chimpanzee. The caption read, "They'll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill."

Al Sharpton, the truffle-sniffing pig of racism, decided that the dead ape represented Obama, and was therefore offensive.

I read the cartoon as saying that the stimulus bill was so haphazard it could have been assembled by an animal.

I guess Sharpton needed to get on TV again, so he invented another controversy. What else is new?

Phickle Phelps phans

2009-02-06T16:42:00.002-05:00

In a photo that doesn't look much like him, Olympic gold-medalist Michael Phelps is pictured smoking pot. He admitted the photo was genuine and apologized for his behavior.

Predictably, Kellogg's is dropping him, and he has been suspended from swimming competition for 3 months.

This is how he's rewarded for owning up to the photo? He could have said, "That's not me, but the resemblance is striking."

Fortunately for Phelps, his other sponsors are sticking by him. You know, like the fans stuck by him when he was winning all those gold medals in Beijing. Smoking pot didn't hurt his performance any, did it?

Phelps is a young person, and young people do things others may not agree with, like smoking pot.

Older people do things others may not agree with, like torturing prisoners.

I think Phelps' honesty shows character. If I were Post or General Mills, I'd sign him up at a discount rate and put him on my cereal boxes. Cereal is good for the munchies.

RIP No. 6

2009-01-14T17:39:00.001-05:00

1928-2009

Sea kittens!

2009-01-12T16:57:00.003-05:00

PETA have decided that nobody would hurt a fish if it were called a sea kitten.

Hmm...

"Got any threes? Go sea kitten!"
"Come ye after me, and I will make you to become sea kitteners of men."
"The authorities were criticized for going on a sea kittening expedition."

Mmm, sea kitten sticks would go down real good with some hush puppies.

And think of poor Jessica Simpson when faced with a can of tuna:

"Is Chicken of the Sea chicken?"
"No, it's sea kitten."

Tuna are pretty big, though. I'm not sure they'd be sea kittens. Sea cats, maybe, or sea tigers.

Hamas = Hate

2009-01-06T10:01:00.001-05:00

Islam is again revealed to be a bloodthirsty, morally bankrupt institution.

Since Israel has retaliated against Hamas in Gaza for the constant shelling of civilian targets in southern Israel, Hamas has been crying foul and screaming for revenge.

A leader of Hamas, Mahmoud Zahar, is quoted as saying, "They have legitimised the murder of their own children by killing the children of Palestine. They have legitimised the killing of their people all over the world by killing our people."

In other words, because Israel is defending itself against the rockets from Gaza, a worldwide genocide has been declared against all Jews, including children.

Way to overreact and disclaim any responsibility for your actions, Hamas.

The extremist brand of Islam exemplified by these people is the most thin-skinned, whiniest, vengeful, rabid, spiteful, hate-filled group of assclowns I've ever seen.

They need to shut the fuck up and grow the fuck up.

Hamas hates Gazans

2009-01-04T14:49:00.002-05:00

"Oh, my goodness! We rocketed Israel, and now they attack us! Why?"

Village Voice lays off Nat Hentoff

2009-01-02T09:27:00.002-05:00

The New York Times reports that the Village Voice has laid off Nat Hentoff.

Hentoff, 83, worked for the Voice for the last 50 years. His articles on civil liberties and his writing on jazz are legendary.

The Village Voice was sold in 2005 to New Times Media, and since then about half of its employees have been cut.

Idiots.

Hentoff will continue writing for United Media and the Wall Street Journal.

Happy 50th to Castro's Cuba!

2009-01-01T12:13:00.001-05:00

How's that workin' out for ya?

RIP FH

2008-12-30T02:22:00.003-05:00

1938-2008

I guess she DID get fooled again

2008-12-29T00:19:00.003-05:00

Still smarting after the fiasco that was the fictionalized memoir of James Frey, Oprah was taken in again by another embellished autobiography by Herman Rosenblat.

Rosenblat had claimed on Oprah's show that he and his wife Roma had met at the fence of a Nazi prison camp associated with Buchenwald. He said that years later he met her again on a blind date and recognized her as the girl who had passed him food during those dark days of the Holocaust.

The problem is that, while Rosenblat had indeed been at the camp, the romance never took place. Now his book deal is being cancelled, although the film version still has the green light.

Oprah's credibility is once again in a million little pieces. Someone get that woman a copy of "Who's Next."

OLPC (Ostensible Lennon Promo: Creepy/Comical)

2008-12-28T18:03:00.003-05:00

The One-Laptop-Per-Child folks have, with Yoko's blessing, produced an ad promoting their initiative with what sounds like a terrible impression of Lennon's voice. A portion of the ad features a video of Lennon in which his mouth is made to look like he's speaking the words. It's a little better than the "technology" featured on Conan O'Brien (where a still image is shown and the mouth is superimposed with video of an actor saying something), but it's no less jarring.

Now, maybe Lennon would have been OK with the promo, and maybe he wouldn't, but I wonder why it even exists. The laptop computer hadn't yet been invented when Lennon was murdered, so it's not exactly an issue that can be closely identified with Lennon or his legacy.

Not one of Yoko's smarter moves.

Who the FUCK is Rick Warren?

2008-12-20T07:20:00.002-05:00

And why did Barack Obama and John McCain feel the need to crawl to his Saddleback Church for a debate?

And why on the Flying Spaghetti Monster's green earth did Obama choose him for his inaugural invocation??

Pandering for the love of "evangelical", gay-hating, Prop. 8-loving voters?

Say it ain't so, Bare. You won, remember?

Yes, you did.

Yes, We Did!

2008-11-05T07:54:00.002-05:00

[Flashback]
Giuliani: "He served as a community organizer . . . what?"
Palin: "I guess being goverrrnerrr is sorrrt of like being a community orrrganizerrr . . ."

[Now]
"So, Senator McCain: You just had your ass handed to you by Senator Obama. What do you think made the difference?"

McCain: "He had a strong organization in every large communi- . . . hang on a minute!"

Populism: A Key to America's Downfall

2008-10-11T15:39:00.002-04:00

It used to be that being smart, educated, well-read, tolerant, and open-minded were considered virtues in America. I'm reminded of the movie "Quiz Show" in which Ralph Fiennes' character was looked up to because he was so well-informed.

Now, even though almost everyone wants their kids to be college educated, the political rhetoric--at least from the Right--denigrates such intellectuals as "elites".

David Brooks writes in the New York Times, "What had been a disdain for liberal intellectuals slipped into a disdain for the educated class as a whole."

This "class warfare" as practiced by McCain and Palin on the campaign trail is shameful and dangerous. The gatherings at their political events are taking on the flavor (and the mind) of the mob. There are even unanswered shouts of "Kill him!" when Obama is discussed. McCain was even booed by his own audience when he grudgingly said something decent about his opponent.

I'm concerned that some ignorant gun-totin' yahoo will think he can impress Sarah Palin in the same way John Hinckley tried to impress Jodie Foster. It doesn't take much to rouse the rabble; throw in sexual attraction, and you have a recipe for assassination.

Look, potential dirtbag: if you kill Obama, Sarah Palin still won't fuck you. Don't be a pawn. Get some therapy and medication, sell your guns, and give the money to the poor/your family/same thing.

It's time for the adults to once again take the reins. The rest of you: grow up, read a book (other than the Bible), have some humility, take some responsibility, and be peaceful.

Topsy-Turvy

2008-10-09T23:46:00.002-04:00

According to an AP article I saw on Breitbart, Cindy McCain had the gall to cast Barack Obama's run for the Presidency "the dirtiest campaign in American history."

This is an example of the tendency to attribute to others one's own bad behavior. An NPR story reported that the Wisconsin Advertising Project analyzed last week's TV campaign ads from both candidates. About a third of Obama's ads were termed negative, while nearly all of McCain's ads took the low road.

The difference between the negative ads was striking. Obama's made a case for his policies, and stated a preference not to continue the failed policies of the last eight years. McCain's featured a fretful woman with a trembling, fearful voice.

Sarah Palin even had the nerve to state that we don't really know anything about Obama. This from the woman who fell off the turnip truck a few weeks ago.

The rhetoric from McCain and his supporters is pretty vicious, and I don't relish the thought of it intensifying, but I'm afraid that's what the next few weeks will look like.

RIP PN

2008-09-27T11:30:00.005-04:00

1925-2008

Noun-Verb-9/11

2008-09-10T22:50:00.004-04:00

Keith Olbermann on the Republican pornography of 9/11^TM.

I still don't understand how the incompetent President Bush and the shameless Rudy Giuliani get credit for being the heroes of 9/11. The tragedies of that day should scream "Behold My Biggest Fuck-Up", not "I Can Protect You".

I also don't understand how McCain getting shot down and imprisoned makes him a war hero who knows how to win wars and lead a nation. If anything, it shows how to be useless and wasteful, having trashed a total of five aircraft before being locked up by the North Vietnamese.

Don't we have any right-wing, war-mongering heroes who know how to WIN?

Tell me something I don't know

2008-08-25T23:34:00.004-04:00

John McCain's team thinks Madonna is outrageous.

John Edwards can't find anybody to take his calls. Considering where his career is now, maybe he should try that cold reader guy with the similar name:

And then what?

2008-08-25T23:20:00.002-04:00

A Denver media outlet is reporting on a foiled plot to assassinate Barack Obama during his acceptance speech on Thursday.

A group of at least four people with the usual credentials of white supremacy have been arrested in connected with a "Vantage Point" plot to kill the presumptive Democratic nominee.

Some douchebag and his pals, sporting the predictable Nazi accoutrements, have dusted off that old favorite hymn and decided that they can't abide having a president who isn't as stupid as they are.

"Blah, blah, kill the black guy, blah blah..."

And then what?

Grow up, dickheads.

Oscar Night

2008-08-25T23:01:00.002-04:00

Like an award winner who won't get off the stage no matter how strident the music, the Clintons will not relinquish the spotlight. While Obama takes the high road by allowing the Florida and Michigan delegations to be seated, Hillary Clinton and her errant husband threaten to upstage the Democratic nominee.

I wouldn't be surprised if there were a "draft Hillary" movement that emerged at the convention, and that by counting the properly discarded votes from the two rule-breaking states, ended up stealing the nomination.

All of these hurt feelings have arisen over the fact that Obama beat Clinton, yet did not show the appropriate deference to her or the ex-President by accommodating their sense of self-importance.

At the Democratic convention tonight, Caroline Kennedy introduced a tribute to her uncle Ted with a short film by Ken Burns on the public life of the senior Senator from Massachusetts. Senator Kennedy then delivered a short, rousing speech with a good deal of oratorical strength, remarkable considering his on-going and critical health problems.

Now that's a legacy worth celebrating. It's too soon to be concerned with the Clintons' place in history. Right now, their legacies rest primarily in having been elected. All Obama needs to do is to be the nominee. All the Clintons need to do is to assume the position.

Learn from Senator Kennedy, Hillary, and know when to give up the idea of becoming President and focus on your important work in the Senate. Don't take your cues from Ralph Nader.

Obama has just lost the election

2008-08-23T04:42:00.009-04:00

So, I'm awakened at 4:30 AM by my Blackberry. The text message has at last arrived with the anti-climactic news that Obama has chosen Joe Biden as his running mate. It's all downhill from here.

Don't get me wrong: Senator Biden has intelligence, diligence, and a grasp of world affairs informed by his many years in the Senate grinding away on the day-to-day business of the American people. He's not the most exciting person in the room, but he is likely to be the best informed.

In short, he's everything Obama isn't.

While the media were congratulating themselves on ferreting out the answer to the needlessly obscure question of the week, the pundits were offering up reasons why Biden is an excellent choice to be Vice President.

But here's why he's not:

Obama's campaign is about Change; Biden is anything but. There's nothing exciting or different about Biden, and if the voter views Washington insider status as part of the problem, the VP choice will do more harm than good.
Obama is a young man with energy and charm; Biden is another "white-haired, wrinkly old dude" who has more in common with Obama's opponent than with his own running mate. This choice seriously undercuts any arguments about how McCain is too old and out of touch.
Obama's relative lack of experience will be even more pronounced with an (excuse me, Joe) elder statesman on the ticket. He will look like a kid compared to the more senior Senator. It's an upside-down pairing; the question that comes to mind is "Why isn't Joe Biden the candidate, and Obama his running mate?"
This choice will do nothing to appease Hillary supporters, as might have a choice for Kathleen Sibelius. At least she would have made history as the first female in the number two slot, the way perhaps paved by Clinton's example. Now what do HRC's fans have to grab onto? I foresee much more drama at the Denver convention than I was expecting, and wouldn't be surprised to see a "draft Hillary" movement get some real momentum. Might she pull a Lieberman? Time will tell.

The choice of the potential Vice President is the first, most public decision made by a candidate. Obama's choice may prove to be an own goal.

How many smoking guns does it take?

2008-08-10T15:26:00.000-04:00

Ron Suskind has exposed a HUGE lie by the Bush administration: fabricated evidence of al-Qaeda involvement in Iraq to justify Bush and Co.'s obsession with Saddam Hussein.

As Suskind reports, Tahir Jalil Habbush, the head of Iraqi Intelligence, secretly communicated with the White House and No. 10 about the lack of weapons of mass destruction (WMD) in Iraq, and that Saddam Hussein was putting on a front to keep Iran at bay.

Even though Habbush was officially among the most wanted men in Iraq, the US had him moved out of harm's way to Jordan and paid him $5 million for his trouble.

But when everyone else in the world found out about the lack of WMD later in 2003, the Bush administration tasked the CIA with creating a back-dated, handwritten letter from Habbush to Saddam stating that hijacker Mohammed Atta had trained in Iraq, and that al-Qaeda was helping Saddam buy Nigerian yellowcake for his nuclear program. And whaddya know, such a letter appeared as a Christmas present for the White House.

So, exactly how many smoking guns does it take to impeach, convict, and imprison the key players of this criminal administration?

Bernie Mac: Victim of our Medical System?

2008-08-09T23:35:00.003-04:00

Bernie Mac suffered from sarcoidosis, which apart from being what "it" isn't on "House, M.D.", is some sort of lung condition.

Bernie was reportedly on a new medication that lowered his immune system, so he got pneumonia, for which he was hospitalized.

Hospitals being what they are, he picked up a second strain of pneumonia while under their care, and died of the complications of the overwhelming attacks on his system.

This whole model of "let's nearly kill you so that we can kill the bug, then somehow revive you" seems rather lacking. Especially when the "nearly" becomes "actually".

The medical system failed Bernie Mac, as it has failed others less famous but just as loved.

Dick

2008-07-17T22:21:00.003-04:00

Bates & Dick

The rest is commentary.

The Great Emancipator Equivocator

2008-05-21T17:13:00.002-04:00

Smart, accomplished woman appplauds her mother

Politico reports that Senator Clinton has been comparing her fight for the Florida and Michigan delegates to struggles for civil rights.

Because those two states flouted the rules of the Democratic party and held their primaries early (rules agreed to by both Clinton and Obama), those states have been penalized by having their votes discarded.

But Clinton sees it (or says she sees it, perhaps because she "won" both contests) not as a penalty but as a disenfranchisement, a deprivation of the right to vote:

"This work to extend the franchise to all of our citizens is a core mission of the modern Democratic party," Clinton said. "From signing the Voting Rights Act and fighting racial discrimination at the ballot box to lowering the voting age so those old enough to fight and die in war would have the right to choose their commander in chief, to fighting for multilingual ballots so you can make your voice heard no matter what language you speak."

Having thus included racial minorities and the war dead into her argument, she adds heroes of the past, namely:

"The abolitionists and all who fought to end slavery and ensure freedom came with the full right of citizenship. The tenacious women and a few brave men who gathered at the Seneca Falls convention back in 1848 to demand the right to vote."

Finally, she threatened that Michigan and Florida would likely vote Republican in the fall because of ill will towards the mean people who wouldn't let those states' voters get away with breaking their own rules.

Now, I'm sorry if Florida and Michigan are miffed, but it's their own fault. They did not have their voting rights taken away. Their situation is not comparable to slavery. And the junior Senator from New York would not be fighting for their "rights" if she did not stand to gain most of the delegates.

This is not disenfranchisement; it's disingenuous.

The Wrong Stuff

2008-05-21T16:49:00.007-04:00

Boy band big shot and intergalactic crime lord Lou Pearlman was sentenced to 1 month in prison for every million dollars he cheated investors out of, which comes to 25 years.

The 53-year-old Hutt can shorten his prison term by one month for every million bucks he pays back, but it doesn't seem likely that he will scrape up enough for a Get Out Of Jail Free card before he loses his looks.

After all, sail barges don't come cheap.

Public shocked that a 15-year-old girl can be sexy

2008-05-01T07:09:00.003-04:00

Prudes are clucking their tongues over Annie Leibovitz's photos of Miley Cyrus for Vanity Fair.

How can the squeaky-clean "Hannah Montana" star be both a cute pop star and a sexual young woman? Is there a precedent for such a dual identity?

This is the photo that garnered all the controversy. It's a lot of bare skin, but no more than one can see at the beach. Okay, so this isn't the beach; it looks like she's arising after a night of love-making.

But it is artistic and beautiful. It's a lovely photo of a lovely subject. And to deny the eroticism of young women is to try to wish away a biological fact.

Now, here's where I have a problem:

In this shot and others like it, which one may see in the behind-the-scenes video, Miley is draped across Billy Ray Cyrus. They look less like father and daughter, and more like lovers in what the magazine calls a "relaxed family event." Then why don't I see her mom? Or would that make it look like a threesome?

50 bullets

2008-04-27T07:16:00.002-04:00

That's what Sean Bell died from. Three detectives blasted away at an innocent man on his wedding day.

Now, I understand a police officer's need to protect himself, especially if he suspects someone is armed. But when someone hears the police yell "GET ON THE GROUND NOW!" and "HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!" at the same time, what he hears is "GHEATNODNSTWHHEEGRRIOCUANNDSNTOHWEM!!"

And apparently, the police are trained to empty their clips into someone, rather than take a shot or two to disarm, then reëvaluate the situation. One of them fired 11 shots. Another an impressive 31 shots.

When the detectives were acquitted of all charges, they praised their Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. "This is the start of my life back," said the one who shot only 8 times.

Tell that to Bell.

Young, gifted, out of touch, elitist, and black

2008-04-13T23:31:00.006-04:00

"Obama said the word 'bitter'...

...therefore I am President!"

Hillary Clinton--Yale Law School graduate, Senator of New York for over 7 years, First Lady of the United States for 8 years, and First Lady of Arkansas for 12 years before that--called Barack Obama--son of a black man from Kenya and a white woman from America--elitist and out of touch.

"This isn't the kind of Crown Royal I had in mind."

The snarkiness just writes itself.

Quote of the week

2008-04-13T16:45:00.003-04:00

"Whenever you combine a secretive compound, religion, and weirdos in pioneer outfits, there's gonna be some child-fucking going on."

-- Bill Maher, "Real Time", 11 April 2008

China: Sword vs. Pen

2008-04-03T23:51:00.002-04:00

China once again displays its contempt for human rights by jailing dissident Hu Jia for three and a half years.

Hu's writings are critical of the Red Chinese, who apparently don't like being taken to task for, say, torturing two people who had complained about their homes being seized illegally.

But they'll get away with it, like they've gotten away with Tibet and the forthcoming Olympic games. They own American debt, they make products for the American market, they have spies on American soil, and they have prominent American politicians in their pocket.

Most Favoured Nation, indeed.

They will always succeed because they have the stomach for brutality.

Earliest recorded human voice

2008-03-30T09:34:00.002-04:00

Some sound recordings have been discovered that are among the first ever made.

French inventor Edouard-Leon Scott de Martinville produced phonautograms made by connecting a funnel to a stylus, which traced a series of squiggly lines onto a cylinder of paper covered in lampblack.

Scott had wanted to study the patterns of lines, not to play back the recordings. But because of the invention of software designed to play fragile records without touching them, we now can hear the earliest recording of a human voice, made on 9 April 1860.

RIP NA

2008-03-24T20:55:00.004-04:00

Give me censorship or give me death!

2008-03-23T23:59:00.003-04:00

Dutch politician Geert Wilders wants to ban the Koran in Holland, because he says it encourages violent acts. He registered the domain fitnathemovie.com to host a video clip in support of his opinion.

Fearing the very thing Wilders referenced, domain registrar Network Solutions blocked all access to the site before the clip was posted.

So, because certain Muslims are likely to boil over into foaming-at-the-mouth demonstrations of their reptilian appetite for fire and blood, an act of intellectual violence was committed against Wilders in favor of a Lloyd-Georgian act of appeasement towards that ignoble product of the Dark Ages.

Islam looks into the mirror and blames the mirror for what it sees.

Spectrum

2008-03-22T00:23:00.002-04:00

Barack Obama gave a first-rate speech in which he analyzed the current state of race relations in America. He did what very few other politicians would have done: he spoke to us as grown-ups.

Meanwhile, on the other end of the scale, we have the state of Black Cinema. The New York Daily News reports, "Tyler Perry's 'Meet The Browns' is a bit of a letdown". No kiddin'?

What is it about the fetish of black comedians donning the guise of fat women? Eddie Murphy, Martin Lawrence, and Tyler Perry have all done so in the past few years. Clowns.

If it's not such hilarious fare, then it's gritty urban violent hip-hop gang-banger movies or "be somebody" competition films where there's a showdown dance-off, drum-off, skate-off or the like.

Can we have a movie made by a black director and/or black stars that isn't primarily about Blackness? Forest Whitaker can't do everything...

It's 3 AM: Do you know where your stock footage is?

2008-03-09T15:47:00.005-04:00

Casey Knowles was a featured extra in a 1999 Burlington Northern Railroad TV spot.

Getty Images now owns the footage, which has been used in a Hillary Clinton campaign ad (known as the "red phone" ad, even though the phone Hillary answers is white):

Sleeping cutie...

Casey, who turns 18 on April 18, was surprised to see herself on TV when she watched a spoof of the ad on "The Daily Show."

...now a beauty

Too bad for Hillary that Casey is not only an Obama supporter, but also worked actively for the Obama campaign in Washington State, where she served as a precinct captain.

Irony: not only delicious, but potentially star-making.

Politrivia

2008-02-28T22:54:00.002-05:00

So, what's the big noise on Obama from his opponents?

He doesn't wear an American flag lapel pin. This criticism comes from Jack Kingston (Ninny, GA), who wasn't wearing a lapel pin, either, when he appeared on Dan Abrams' show on MSNBC.
His middle name is the same as that of the late Iraqi dictator...and millions of other people.
He's secretly a Muslim (which he isn't, and which isn't illegal in this country anyway).
The pastor of his church (whom Obama does not control) has some good things to say about Louis Farrakhan (whom Obama denounces).

Meanwhile, somebody's getting plenty of play out of the fact that John McCain was born in the Canal Zone on an American military base to American parents serving in the American military, which makes him...an American citizen.

Not to be outdone, Bush held a press conference and was pretty much all over the map. He harped on the now-discredited-by-members-of-his-own-party notion that the Democratic-controlled Congress is not budging on their denial of immunity to the telecoms who aided Bush in his illegal wiretaps of American citizens, thereby hastening the next 9/11-style cataclysm. He was also surprised to hear that some analysts believe the price of gasoline could hit $4 a gallon in the next few months (it's about $3.17 here now).

Oh, and Nader picked some loser to be his VP.

Big numbers in the Big House

2008-02-28T22:19:00.002-05:00

The Pew research folks tell us that the US locks up its citizens at a rate greater than any other nation on earth: just over 1%. Black Americans are incarcerated at more than triple the rate of their white brothers and sisters. And we are #6 on the list of the number of people we execute; we'll have to work a bit harder if we want to beat China, Iran, Pakistan, Iraq, and the Sudan (I don't think they count the people we actually kill in those countries).

Wallflower

2008-02-25T12:53:00.002-05:00

Hillary: "Hi, handsome. Have you decided who you're taking to the prom this year?"
Voters: "Not yet, but I'm leaning pretty far towards someone."
H: "I hope it's me!"
V: "I'm kind of surprised you even want to go, after what happened last year."
H: "I'll tell you a secret: I let that tailhound take me to the junior prom just so I could meet you."
V: "I kinda got that impression. He was dancing with every hot girl there, and left you by yourself. Why didn't you get mad?"
H: "I didn't want to look like a shrew. I wanted to make sure I had a date for the senior prom."
V: "Well, it's that time again."
H: "Yep. It's MY turn now. This will be OUR year."
V: "Hold on; I didn't say I was taking you."
H: "Oh, sure, you have to say that to be polite to the other girl, but you will. You know you will."
V: "The other girl is very attractive."
H: "But can she dance? I have experience as a dancer."
V: "Yeah, I've seen you dance. But I like her style better."
H: "She has no substance. She's an airhead."
V: "That's not fair. She's an excellent student, and is great at public speaking."
H: "Oh, she stole that material from another girl's paper."
V: "Actually, she and her girlfriend worked on that paper together."
H: "Whatever. Let's look at this dispassionately."
V: "But I want to feel passionate about my prom date."
H: "What do you want? You want me to fake a sweet Southern accent? 'Cause I can do it."
V: "Now you're getting shrill."
H: "My-my feelings are hurt. Must...not...cry...unless you find vulnerability attractive."
V: "Why do you want to be my date so bad?"
H: "Because this is our senior year. It's now or never!"
V: "What if it's never?"
H: "You know what? I might just have to talk to your parents. They always liked me. They'll MAKE you take me."
V: "Way to win me over, Hill. Besides, they've seen how much I like the other girl, and will pretty much support whatever makes me happy."
H: "PICK ME, GODDAMMIT! I'LL MAKE YOU HAPPY! I CAN SING! LET ME SING FOR YOU!"

You're my obsession

Who do you want me to be

To make you sleep with me?

V: "This is getting sickening, Hill. Please go."
H: "But what will I do for the prom?"
V: "I hear Ralph needs a date."
H: "Ralph ALWAYS needs a date."
V: "Don't be bitter, Hill. Maybe the prom isn't your thing. Can't you just content yourself with Student Council?"
H: "I guess I'll have to, no thanks to YOU!"
V: "You have to go now. I have to get ready."
H: "You'll be sorry you ever chose her."
V: "Maybe, maybe not. But it's MY decision, isn't it?"
H: (mutters) "Not if I can help it."
V: "What's that?"
H: (brightly) "Nothing! See you around, big boy."

Well, that about wraps it up for Nader's legacy

2008-02-24T14:37:00.003-05:00

Incredibly, Ralph Nader has announced his candidacy for the Presidency of the United States.

There are other ways to voice one's opinions without running for president. Even John Kerry learned to leave the political stage after his loss in 2004 without having to be hit on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper too many times.

Forget winning, I don't think there's a way for him to even spoil the 2008 election for the Democrats. It's an utterly meaningless decision from which no good can come.

Don't go away mad, Ralph; just go away.

Desperation: Hillary's new perfume

2008-02-17T00:51:00.002-05:00

Hillary Clinton's camp are trying to construct a Pyrrhic victory before our eyes.

Because Florida and Michigan moved up their primaries, the Democratic National Committee stripped those states of their delegates. Both Clinton and Obama accepted that decision; Obama wasn't even listed on the Michigan ballot. As a result, the campaign strategies of the two candidates were altered.

Now that Clinton is in a fight for her political future, she wants to go back on her word and have the results of those primaries counted, since she "won" them. She's trying to play it as an unfair disenfranchisement of the voters, but the tactic is transparently grasping.

If Clinton wins the nomination because of this, she will have destroyed the Democratic party. Already, her husband's legacy as President has been greatly diminished by his intemperate behavior on the campaign trail. She now risks political fratricide by forcing this Florida/Michigan issue on her supporters and colleagues. It is selfish and unstatesmanlike.

She can yet head off disaster by immediately reiterating her support for the DNC sanctions, but I don't see it happening. This is her moment in history, and she sees it slipping away from her, like anxious Orpheus.

Contempt

2008-02-14T19:56:00.002-05:00

The House of Representatives voted to hold in contempt of Congress ex-counsel Harriet Miers and Chief of Staff Josh Bolten for stonewalling over the firing of US attorneys.

Predictably, the Republicans weren't happy about this, and played their favorite card: fear.

Lamar Smith (R, TX) said that "...the Democratic majority cares more about...the personnel decisions of the White House than they do about promoting national security."

The "national security" issue Smith referred to is the update to FISA; you know, the one that lets the White House and the telecoms off the hook for their warrantless wiretapping.

The Republicans are in effect saying, "Don't worry about THOSE violations of law; hurry up and green light these OTHER violations of law."

They want unlimited power for the Executive (unless it's a Democrat, I'm guessing), and a free ride for Big Business. Not a surprise, really, from the party of the President who thinks of the Constitution as "just a piece of paper".

Holy crap

2008-02-08T00:06:00.000-05:00

You know, when I read that the name Mohammed has now overtaken the name Jack as Britain's most popular boy's name, I was surprised. But it didn't really sink in until I read this.

The baffled and baffling Archbishop of Canterbury is proposing that Islamic sharia law be recognized as equal to British law, and that people could choose which to be governed by.

"Can my 72 virgins be altar boys?"

I didn't realize that Britain had gone so far down on its knees as to actually fellate Muslims as they pour out of the Chunnel into Old Blighty.

Cane-wielding Calvinists invigilating over inattentive worshipers is one thing, but frowsy Stone Age freaks flaying women for having the effrontery to be gang-raped is quite another.

There are plenty of Muslim nations around the world where this kind of thing would be welcome. Why move to Britain just to turn it into a ghetto? Is it the climate? The food?

As an atheist, I'd be glad to see all religion out of the picture, especially of the "more-batshit-than-thou" variety.

How do you say "fuck right off" in Arabic?

Back to black

2008-01-14T22:39:00.000-05:00

Ah, the good old days of 1982. I was a sophomore in college and Michael Jackson was still black. That's when Thriller came out, and it was impossible to ignore (trust me, I tried). And while it wasn't totally believable that Jackson could score a Playboy Playmate, at least we didn't suspect that sleepovers with little boys were in the offing.

Now, a quarter-century later, Jackson mines his past with Thriller 25: part retrospective, part remake. He has enlisted the help of some people called Akon, Will.I.Am, and Fergie--apparently a guy nearly named for a city in Ohio, an Internet junkie named Bill, and the Duchess of York.

There's a new song on Thriller 25, a remake of "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'", which is pretty terrible (it wasn't a very good song to begin with).

It would be pointless to reflect on whether Jackson's music has matured over the years, since he himself has not. It's hard to believe that this odd character once had the world in thrall.

He was great in the Jackson 5, though.

I am an American hero...

2008-01-12T15:39:00.000-05:00

...just as much as Rudy Giuliani. I am considering a run for the presidency. Here's my platform:

9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11.

So, vote for me and I will keep you as safe and protected as I did on..oh, what was that date...?

RIP BB

2007-12-30T17:30:00.000-05:00

1953-2007

Is waterboarding torture?

2007-12-25T10:52:00.000-05:00

Read this and you tell me.

RIP OP

2007-12-24T17:25:00.000-05:00

1925-2007

They keep breeding

2007-12-18T22:40:00.000-05:00

Britney Spears' younger, currently hotter sister Jamie Lynn is pregnant at 16 by her 19-year-old boyfriend, whom she met at church (awww).

Trainwreck, Jr., says she's gonna keep the baby and raise it in Louisiana so that it will have a chance at a normal life. (Good luck, embryonic Spears-sprog.)

Let's all congratulate the ~~round-~~well-heeled Spears family on their proven fertility.

What a fool believes

2007-12-06T23:34:00.000-05:00

The still-vacant Sherri Shepherd let loose with another whopper on "The View".

"I don't think anything predated Christians."

Apparently, the only book this breathtakingly ignorant woman has ever read is the Bible, and then only part of the New Testament, it seems. Perhaps she started reading after that whole "Jesus gets born" part with the manger and the myrrh.

Hot and cold

2007-12-05T23:32:00.000-05:00

New rule: Matt Drudge has to STFU about combining global warming headlines with others showing how cold it is, especially when there's no connection.

The elephant in the room

2007-12-05T23:19:00.001-05:00

Yet another dumbass kid goes on a shooting rampage. WTF is it with these dorks?

They're called hormones, everyone has them, the chick you like hates you, your family disowned you, blah blah blah. Suck it up.

If you still feel in the mood for some murder/suicide, start with yourself, OK slick?

Death!

2007-12-02T13:11:00.001-05:00

Death!

The once-civilized people of the Islamic world have devolved into international pariahs. In the hands of those formerly known for their tolerance, art, literature, and hospitality, this religion has become the plaything of the extremist element.

While Christianity in America is also frequently a tool for the right-wing bigot, violence is thankfully restricted to a relative few. This is the happy difference between Democracy and Theocracy: if all laws derive from God, who is to say they are wrong?

Well, I say they're wrong. They're all wrong. All religions are fictions, and all laws in service to them serve lies and liars for their own unholy and unjust purposes. For those of us of the faithless faction, we wish to be free of the oppressive effects of religion on our daily lives.

But as imperfect as it is, this Republic is a far superior home for me than that of the rabid, teeming mob of the radical Islamicist. It is also a superior home for the thoughtful Muslim, the peaceful Christian, the compassionate Jew, and the citizen atheist.

As the Enlightenment recedes into history, the soul of the world is imperiled, not by the free of thought, but by those free of thoughts.

The disgusting show put on by the bloodthirsty hypocrites of the Sudan serves as a reminder that some societies deserve to flourish, while some deserve to wither on the vine.

Sudan update

2007-11-29T17:10:00.000-05:00

The elementary school teacher who was charged with blasphemy for allowing her class of 7-year-olds to give the name of Mohammed to a stuffed bear has been sentenced to 15 days in jail and will likely be deported. It could have been worse, and I'm sure she won't feel safe until she's back in the UK.

Meanwhile, here in the states, I sometimes enjoy a bacon-egg-and-cheese biscuit for breakfast. I think I'll start calling it a "Mohammed-egg-and-cheese" (peace be upon it) from now on.

Saudi Arabia is evil. Islamic men are evil.

2007-11-27T00:35:00.000-05:00

Well? What would you call it?

A 19-year-old Saudi woman

was coerced by an ex-boyfriend to ride with her in his car, which was
attacked by men, one of whom held a knife to her throat, and
kidnapped her, taking her to a deserted spot, where
seven men raped her repeatedly, then dropped her off home, where
her brother found out, so he hit her and threatened to kill her, and
she twice tried to commit suicide, and
when she went to court, she was sentenced to 90 lashes, and
her attorney had his law license confiscated, and
when she took her case to the press, her sentence was increased to 200 lashes and 6 months in jail,

all because she was seen riding in a car with a man who was not related to her.

Thanks for protecting her honor.

And the Sudanese were doing so well...

2007-11-26T23:50:00.000-05:00

A teacher from the Beatles' old neighborhood has run afoul of the powers that be in that bastion of empathy, the Sudan.

Gillian Gibbons was arrested in Khartoum on the charge of blasphemy. Yes, that's right, blasphemy. I would say something about "in this day and age", but it's still the 7th century over there.

Ms. Gibbons allowed her second-graders to name a teddy bear, and the name that they chose was Mohammed (Britain's second most popular boy's name, behind Jack).

Here's the little scamp:

Not the prophet...as far as I know

Apparently, while the Koran does not specifically forbid images of Allah or Mohammed, there remains some fear that a depiction of Mohammed could lead to idolatry.

So I guess when Muslims threaten to murder Scandinavian cartoonists, or to deliver 40 lashes to elementary school teachers, it's not that any scripture was violated; it's that they don't trust themselves not to get swept away venerating stuffed animals. (Are these the views of grown men, or 9-year-old schoolgirls? Sorry, Sudan, I'll explain: schoolgirls are girls who are allowed to go to school.)

Perhaps giving an animal (albeit an inanimate animal) the name of Mohammed is supposed to be insulting to the Prophet (these Muslims must think he's the weakest, most thin-skinned prophet ever, since their murderous hordes are forever defending him against getting his feelings hurt).

Never mind that an enormous percentage of Muslims are named Mohammed. Surely some of them must be dickheads (a safe bet, I'll wager). How is that not dishonoring the Prophet more than naming a cuddly toy after him?

You do realize that this makes Muslims look like (a) backwards, superstitious fools, and (b) vicious, narrow-minded bullies?

I'll let you get back to your genocide now. Asshats.

Request denied

2007-11-23T17:48:00.000-05:00

The Talking Points Memo presents the 2007 list of instances where the Bush Administration refused to provide information reasonably expected from a transparent government.

Bush, clearly pained by the lack of trust in him (or possibly gas), had no comment.

Review: invisibleSHIELD for Blackberry 8310

2007-11-19T17:57:00.000-05:00

Set aside at least an hour, book some time at your local clean room, and enjoy.

It will help if you have excellent close-up vision. It will also help if you have vast experience with contact lenses, as you will be applying solution to tiny wiggly pieces of plastic. I realize these traits are probably mutually exclusive, so best of luck.

The instructions are generic. They don't show you which piece goes where. My solution was to apply all the obvious pieces, then figure out the rest from what's left.

It will help if you have experience with puzzles. It will also help if you can tell figure from ground; i.e., which is the shield and which is the leftover junk.

At the end of the hour, I had what looked like a nice new Blackberry Curve inexpertly wrapped in plastic, with millions of microscopic bubbles clinging on for their lives, and not-quite-correctly shaped edge pieces curling up. Oh, and lint, since I didn't book time at the clean room.

Perhaps I should have just gone for the screen protector, and not the "full body armor".

Shieldzone/Zagg advise leaving the phone to cure for about a day. More then.

I need a Guinness.

Writers strike

2007-11-03T15:14:00.000-04:00

Writers Guild of America members are expected to strike on Monday.

At issue are the very words that come out of the mouths of America's beloved celebrities, thus threatening the "Circuses" portion of the Bush administration's two-pronged domestic agenda.

Perhaps the lessons of the disastrous writers' strike of the late 1960s may help bring about a swift agreement between the parties.

Soulja Boy: "Crank Dat"

2007-10-20T00:13:00.001-04:00

("Crank Dat" by Soulja Boy as interpreted by Greg O'Rear)

I have created a new dance step, which I have modestly named "Soldier Boy", after yours truly.

I would attempt to describe the dance, but (a) you would confuse it with my experiences with a paid escort, and (b) your attempts to approximate my level of competence would be laughable.

Your envy of me may cause you to threaten fisticuffs, but that would be a grave mistake, as I would retaliate with a firearm.

Therefore my advice to you is to enjoy my prowess, whether it be my limber ballroom skills, or my equally laudatory efforts in the boudoir, wherein the natural conclusion of my lovemaking is likely to be quite voluminous.

(Please buy my record, won't you? I suffer from a speech impediment that renders me incapable of pronouncing the second half of nearly every word.)

Britney Spears: "Gimme More"

2007-10-19T23:53:00.000-04:00

("Gimme More" by Britney Spears, as interpreted by Greg O'Rear)

A telephone message conveys a mock-insult salutation, followed by a confession that Britney feels the desire to dance with the recipient of the call. Her tone of voice and giggle, however, indicate that her use of the word "dance" is a metaphor for sex.

The song begins:

Concurrent with dimmed illumination, I experience a Pavlovian compulsion to behave immodestly with you. So much so, in fact, that even though our dancing grows more erotic, I nevertheless am given to shameless exhibitionism, paparazzi notwithstanding. I imagine that the gaping onlookers are not satisfied by the spectacle, and exhort us to continue our brazen display.

Our gyrations are the focal point of the room, regardless of our location within it. Your dance steps are demanding and unorthodox, but the combination of athleticism and sensuality meets with my approval.

More photographs are taken, and I maintain my belief that the others in the room would not object if we continued unabated--an attitude with which I, given my lack of inhibition, concur.

Surely an orgasm is imminent.

The sniveling Chinese

2007-10-16T22:28:00.000-04:00

The poor, sensitive Chinese government got its widdle feelings hurt when the US President met with the Dalai Lama in advance of the latter's receipt of the Congressional Gold Medal.

Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet

Yang Jiechi, the Chinese Foreign Minister, was quoted as saying, "We solemnly demand that the U.S. cancel the extremely wrong arrangements. It seriously violates the norm of international relations and seriously wounded the feelings of the Chinese people and interfered with China's internal affairs."

Suck on this, Hu Jintao

Never mind that Communist China invaded Tibet in 1951, and that 8 years later the Dalai Lama fled for his life.

I'm pretty sure China's textile slaves can produce enough hankies to dab the Party's collective (no pun intended) eyes and blow their noses. Sometimes a good cry is just what the doctor ordered.

Hey, China: go get yourselves a big carton of ice cream, climb into your jammies, and rent "Beaches", bitches.

Judgment to Rush

2007-10-01T18:33:00.000-04:00

Drudge is reporting that Republican Congressman Jack Kingston has issued a resolution into the House of Representatives in support of Rush Limbaugh re the latter's comments about "phony soldiers".

The ass-kissing resolution reads like a commercial for Limbaugh (keywords: relentless, tireless, support, morale, solemn).

I've seen this Kingston character on "Real Time with Bill Maher". He's an empty-headed party-line-toeing dork who apparently has nothing better to do in Congress than light Limbaugh's big fat cigar.

That's OK, I guess. The House voted 341-79 last week to say how much they hated MoveOn.org's attack on General Petraeus/BetrayUs.

Might as well waste some more time on things that don't matter while the sun sets on the American Empire.

Who didn't see this coming?

2007-10-01T18:04:00.000-04:00

Well, the Burmese military junta has exterminated its dissident clergy.

Thousands of monks were imprisoned and/or slaughtered by the troops in Myanmar, who want to hold onto their power because...because of all the...the great and wonderful...I don't know why they want it, but they have it.

Meanwhile, the UN did nothing whatsoever, which I believe is in their charter: "1. Do nothing whatsoever."

Lapse

2007-10-01T17:27:00.000-04:00

Northeast Louisiana's News-Star reports on an apparent lapse in judgment at the Alma J. Brown Elementary School at Grambling State University.

Kindergarten and first grade students were given a lesson in the history of racism and its relationship to the Jena Six incident, which the children were presumably "protesting". The kids--some wearing chains and shackles--were made to march around their playground, and one little girl was given an up-close-and-personal introduction to lynching.

I can only imagine the hue and cry over the outrageous insensitivity, had any white people been actively involved. They would have been castigated by "the Reverend" Al Sharpton faster than you can say "Imus".

Vacancy on "The View"

2007-09-20T16:48:00.000-04:00

(Thanks to the Huffington Post for this.)

Sherri Shepherd is apparently a new host for morning hen-fest "The View". She had already said she didn't "believe in evolution, period." Then she gave her views on another scientific puzzler:

The vacant Sherri Shepherd

The next day, she offered an explanation for her breathtaking ignorance:

The still-vacant Sherri Shepherd

So either this co-host of a television show is extremely ill-informed, or she gets discombobulated when someone asks her a question on TV.

I wonder how much ABC is paying this stupid woman.

Heroes of my alma mater

2007-09-18T21:09:00.000-04:00

More super-brave shenanigans from law enforcement, this time from my alma mater, the University of Florida.

21-year-old student Andrew Meyer was at the microphone yesterday confronting guest speaker Senator John Kerry when University police began hauling Meyer away. He repeatedly asked why he was being arrested, but if he was answered, I couldn't hear it on the video.

Kerry ineffectually offered to answer Meyer's question, but the situation continued to escalate until a half-dozen police had the student pinned to the ground and then tasered him.

Yay, brave thugs (two of whom are taking a little compulsory time off).

As in other similar incidents, it looks like the tasering happened after many, many police had their subject pinned to the ground, and were uncomfortable with what he was saying.

Cops don't appear to like it when they are reminded that citizens have rights. It's a more extreme version of the familiar "hand blocking the camera lens" manœuvre favored by the truncheon trade.

Meyer was released today.

The holy month of Ramadan™

2007-09-16T07:57:00.000-04:00

It's like it's part of the trademark: it isn't "Ramadan" or "the month of Ramadan", but "the holy month of Ramadan." According to Wikipedia, Ramadan is characterized as a month of fasting, charity, and self-accountability, a turning away from worldly affairs to focus on one's personal relationship with God.

Enter Lars Vilks, Swedish cartoonist, who depicted Muhammad's head on the body of a dog.

"We announce in Ramadan, the month of giving, a reward of $100,000 for whoever kills this criminal and infidel," increased to $150,000 if he is "slaughtered...like a sheep." So says the leader of an al-Qaeda group in Iraq. A reward of $50,000 was offered for the editor of the newspaper in which the cartoon was printed.

What better time than "the month of giving" to give a reward for a criminal act?

Here we go again.

Again with the mourning...

2007-09-11T23:05:00.000-04:00

Last year, I took exception to the maudlin celebration of death that accompanied the fifth anniversary of the events of 9/11, down to the moments of silence and the playing of Taps over the intercom at work.

Well, it happened again today ("Patriot Day"), Taps included.

How long did we commemorate Dec. 7, 1941, with special ceremonies on that day? Did the British whine about particular dates while they were being bombed during WWII? These 9/11 commemorations have now lasted longer than the entire Second World War.

A familiar ring

2007-09-11T22:47:00.000-04:00

"We have adopted a plan, which we have worked out in coöperation with the South Vietnamese, for the complete withdrawal of all US combat ground forces.

"As South Vietnamese forces become stronger, the rate of American withdrawal can become greater.

"I have not and do not intend to announce the timetable for our program."

President Richard Nixon, 3 November 1969

Britney is the new Anna Nicole

2007-09-09T23:31:00.000-04:00

Not that I care, but I ran across a clip of Britney Spears' big comeback on tonight's MTV Video Music Awards.

With a body I can only describe as "flab-tacular", Britney strolled tentatively around the stage like she was demonstrating a dance routine for elderly strippers. She looked like one of those figure skaters who decides not to go for the higher-degree-of-difficulty moves after all.

She's not ready to resume her career. She needs to stop partying with bimbos. She needs to learn how to be a good parent. She needs to get fit and healthy. She needs to wear underwear. She needs someone smart to advise her.

She needs Madonna.

Mos Def is an idiot

2007-09-08T08:52:00.000-04:00

Mos Def was one of the two panelists on Bill Maher's "Real Time" last night. Mos Def is mos' def' an idiot.

He thought that the English monarch in power during the time of the American Revolution was "the Queen". He claimed not to believe that men landed on the moon. He claimed to believe in Bigfoot. He played the part of an inarticulate black man railing at whitey. (But he had done his reading on François Dominique Toussaint "Louverture" Bréda enough to claim the Louisiana Purchase for the Black Man [I'm not saying he doesn't have a point here]).

The more entertaining points were made by Professor Cornel West, always an animated and passionate figure, but a bit of a loony, and more of a media figure than a professor these days.

Maher apparently misspoke at one point: when trying to show solidarity with the Black cause, he stated that he had been on more than one occasion the "honorary white man."

Anyway, I like to see the First Amendment exercised regularly, so it was all-in-all a good show.

Coffee, tea, or...puritanical humiliation?

2007-09-08T08:23:00.000-04:00

Curvy commuter Kyla Ebbert was told by a male Southwest Airlines flight attendant that her clothing was too revealing.

At first, she was asked to take a later flight, then a compromise was reached where she eventually ended up covering herself with a blanket.

So, a "family" company like Southwest is offended by everyday sexuality? Where do they think families come from?

And anyway: just because a woman turns (part of) a man to stone doesn't make her a witch.

Kyla, you're welcome to fly in my neighborhood any time.

Lord of Iowa

2007-09-05T22:30:00.000-04:00

"Iowa, for good reason, for constitutional reasons, for reasons related to the Lord, should be the first caucus and primary."

Bill Richardson has taken some heat for the comments he made about Iowa's spot on the political calendar.

I'm sure he meant to say, "for reasons related to Lord": Milton E. Lord, that is, director of the University of Iowa libraries from 1930 to 1932.

Oswalt acts alone

2007-09-03T16:23:00.000-04:00

Patton Oswalt is the one comedian most likely to make me actually die laughing.

When I saw him opening for Aimee Mann several years ago, I was in danger of sounding like I had whooping cough.

Here's a more recent clip.

Keywords: flimsy, entrapment, who cares?

2007-09-02T09:19:00.000-04:00

This whole Senator Craig story about airport bathroom hookups seems pretty flimsy. Not a word was spoken, yet the cop somehow knew that tapping one's foot in a restroom stall means "I am looking for gay sex," rather than "I hope I finish in time to catch my flight."

Now, which one is the gay one?

I am usually overjoyed when a conservative, gay-hating, family-values Conservative hypocrite is caught with his pants down, but this story is just odd.

12:00 PM - Cop enters stall, noticing that not all stalls are occupied.

12:13 PM - Cop notices Craig standing outside his stall, fidgeting. Cop implies that Craig had targeted him for sexual mischief. Cop doesn't seem to think that all the stalls could have filled up in the intervening 13 minutes, and that Craig may be fidgeting because he has to go. He reports that Craig looks through the crack between the door and the stall, from three feet away.

12:15 PM - Cop notices person in stall to his left departs, and Craig enters the stall, placing his bag against the door. Cop writes, "My experience has shown that individuals engaging in lewd conduct use their bags to block the view from the front of their stall." My experience has shown that there aren't too many choices about where to place one's bags in a cramped restroom stall.

12:16 PM - Cop notices that Craig taps his right foot. "I recognized this as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct." I recognize this as a signal that a person is fidgety, anxious, musical, trying to keep their foot from falling asleep, or Fred Astaire.

Cop moves his "foot up and down slowly." He doesn't say whether he does this because he is signaling his interest in gay sex, but by including it in the report, he implies something of the sort, in which case: entrapment, anyone?

Eventually, Craig moves his right foot far enough to touch the cop's left foot. According to the cop's report, he doesn't move his foot out of the way, which I would do reflexively if someone encroached in my area of the stall. So why didn't the cop move his foot?

12:17 PM - Craig somehow contorts his body so that he swipes his left hand along the right side of his stall, slightly under the divider, palm up, fingertips showing on the cop's side of the wall. Cop doesn't mention whether this is some sort of signal, based on his vast experience of lewd behavior.

12:19 PM - Cop goes in for the kill by flashing his badge under the stall with his right hand, and pointing with his left hand towards the door. More contortions, apparently. Craig, speaking for the first time, says, "No!" but the cop is insistent, and Craig leaves the stall "without flushing the toilet." How suspicious, apparently, that after four minutes of fidgety behavior, Craig has not yet relieved himself, or not enough to warrant flushing the toilet, or just left in a hurry because a cop ordered him to.

The cop again notices that not all the stalls are occupied, proof that Craig had singled him out for lewd behavior. The cop then informs Craig that he is under arrest. The charges? "Interference with Privacy" (for peeking through the crack between the door and the stall from three feet away) and "Disorderly Conduct" (hard to see how the statute applies in this situation).

The report doesn't say that Craig ever uttered a word before being shown the badge, and doesn't say that Craig engaged in any lewd behavior. Craig's mistake was in pleading guilty in hopes of making the situation go away. He may have been guilty, and may have intended lewd conduct, but from the police report, I'd say that it would have been pretty easy to get the charges thrown out.

Paul Hipp does an excellent audio noir recreation of the police report here.

Balls to Afghanistan

2007-08-27T23:02:00.000-04:00

Hey, kids! Like soccer? Come get your free...ah, crap!

Gee, we're really sorry we've managed to offend you again, what with including the flag of Saudi Arabia on a football, a flag that includes a verse from the Koran, complete with the name of Allah!

Maybe we still have some of the ones we gave out last year. They might be...crap!

Maybe we can put a sticker over the verse on the Saudi flag. Let's see, where is that flag? Oh, yes, it's next to the flags of Denmark and Israel. Crap!

Byeee

2007-08-27T22:34:00.000-04:00

Way-more-loyal-to-Bush-than-to-the-Constitution Attorney General Alberto Gonzales (or AGAG) announced his resignation today.

Wait for me, Karl!

As a loyal subject and toady of President Bush, he was aces; otherwise, he was criminally incompetent (or just criminal, incompetent).

I wouldn't be surprised if there was a pardon in his future. Here's the scenario:

In the hours before the inauguration of the next President of the United States in January 2009, Bush pardons everyone who has ever worked for him. Then he resigns. Then Cheney assumes the Presidency. Then Cheney pardons Bush. Game over.

Heavy with seed

2007-08-27T22:14:00.000-04:00

NPR reported on Afghanistan's poppy production figures for 2007, and the Bush administration's efforts to eradicate the crop as part of that failed experiment known as the War on Drugs. Part of the strategy involves trying to convince the poor Afghan farmers to plan alternative crops.

Now, I may be wrong, but opium is a necessary component in all sorts of useful medicines. Why don't we just buy out their entire crop and use it to make the needed pharmaceuticals?

I'm not the first to think of the idea...

This is advancement?

2007-08-22T21:19:00.000-04:00

According to this CNN article, the Atlanta NAACP president doesn't think Michael Vick should be booted from the NFL. Vick is the Atlanta Falcons quarterback who was involved in an illegal dogfighting ring. He's expected to plead guilty; three of his compatriots have already done so, two of whom have stated that Vick participated in the inhumane killing of dogs that were performing below par.

The ironically named R.L. White went on to say (twice) that Vick was being persecuted for animal cruelty more vigorously than if he had actually murdered someone. White added that he didn't see what the big deal was with dogfighting, since it's legal to hunt game.

White described the public attention to the Vick case using the words "piling on" and "lynching". He hoped that Vick would be rehabilitated and accepted back into the fold without it harming his lucrative career. After all, White said, Vick was responsible for bringing "hours of enjoyment to fans all over this country."

Vick being black had nothing to do with the NAACP's support, since they're all about social justice. White said this while seated in front of a placard that read, "Who is your leader, God or Satan?", which was attributed to that fair-minded paragon of social justice, Louis Farrakhan. I have a pretty good idea of how the FOI bois should answer that...

"Let's maintain our humanness when we are trying to remedy the whole situation."

By all means, let's be humane about this, Mr. White.

So, thank you Atlanta NAACP for choosing this particular Colored Person to Advance.

(Wait, is this the R.L. White--the Reverend R.L. White--who recorded gospel music a decade ago? The Reverend R.L. White who recorded an album called "Robots Are Coming"?? *snicker*)

I beg the question

2007-08-19T17:43:00.000-04:00

I hear far too often the phrase, "...that begs the question..."

Begging the question is a logical fallacy wherein one assumes one's conclusion, as in this example: "If these people are guilty and have shown no remorse for their crime, this can only mean that they are bad people, and this strengthens our conviction that they are guilty."

But saying something like, "What America needs is universal health coverage, but that begs the question, 'How will we pay for it?'"

It doesn't beg the question; it raises it.

Being diacritical

2007-08-19T16:26:00.000-04:00

The diaeresis is a diacritical mark used to indicate that the second vowel in a pair should be pronounced as a separate syllable.

Words like naïve and coöperate, and names like Chloë and Zoë are examples.

So why is Noël Coward's name spelled Noël, when it's pronounced "Nole"?

Bounty

2007-08-08T21:43:00.000-04:00

Steven Levitt blogs about the recent doubling of the bounty on the head of Osama bin Laden from $25 million to $50 million. He wonders about the credibility of the offer, or whether the amounts would mean anything to the expected snitches.

Here's my solution:

Offer $100 (that's one hundred dollars) to each person who is instrumental in the capture or killing of Osama Bin Laden.

$100 is a much more comprehensible and credible number, and the tipster could be assured of getting paid, even for only tangentially relevant testimony.

Or offer an entire village a new school, hospital, water treatment plant, etc.

Or, in the spirit of "Ransom!", offer $50 million today, $49 million tomorrow, and so on until the reward goes to zero.

Another Republican outing

2007-08-05T16:01:00.000-04:00

The BBC are reporting on how Donald Rumsfeld blew the cover of the soldier who revealed the infamous photos of the prisoner abuse at Abu Ghraib.

Bob Novak wasn't involved this time.

Dateline NBC: To Catch a...Catcher

2007-08-05T15:32:00.000-04:00

It's gotta be embarrassing when an undercover reporter's cover is blown, especially when said reporter was hacked by the hackers she was trying to hack.

But that's what happened to Michelle Madigan when she tried to dig up some dirt on the attendees of DEFCON 2007, a conference devoted to the more "underground" elements of geekiness.

The DEFCON folks were tipped off by their own mole in the Dateline NBC camp. Madigan was reportedly under surveillance by the group from the time she left to attend the conference.

Unfortunately, her ejection from the event reduced the headcount of attractive women by 100%.

RIP MA

2007-08-01T17:02:00.000-04:00

1912-2007

RIP IB

2007-07-30T20:14:00.001-04:00

1918-2007

Perverted (sense of) Justice

2007-07-24T23:10:00.000-04:00

As reported by the Associated Press, a woman is suing NBC because of her brother's suicide. Why?

The man, Bill Conradt, apparently got involved in an on-line conversation with someone from the Dateline NBC show "To Catch A Predator", who was pretending to be underage.
The usual M.O. is for the person to be invited over to a purported minor's home for an evening of entrapment and confrontation, but Conradt didn't show.
That didn't stop the cops and the camera crews from hounding Conradt at his home.
While the thugs and snoops tramped around his private property, Conradt took his own life.

Won't someone please think of the children? Oh, that's right: there weren't any involved. As usual.

A few paces behind, and out of step

2007-07-15T23:52:00.000-04:00

The Guardian are reporting that Condi has been overruled by Cheney in the decision to go to war with Iran before Bush's term ends in 2009.

Yet another black Secretary of State has been outvoted by the bellicose Vice President on the issue of conflict in the Middle East.

I'm sure we can look forward to hearing the following phrases: evil man, threat to stability of the region, weapons of mass destruction, enemy of the US and its allies, etc., not to mention what they'll say about Ahmadinejad.

"Will no one rid me of this meddlesome Veep?"

The Devil, you say

2007-07-10T23:40:00.001-04:00

OK, so, "The Devil Wears Prada" is not the kind of film I would see at the movie theatre, but it was on HBO-HD, so I watched it, for one reason and one reason only:

In my opinion, Anne Hathaway is the most stunningly beautiful actress in cinema today. Of course, I still love Natalie Portman, Rachel Weisz, and Nicole Kidman, but...

This is why I own a High Definition TV.

La Double vie de Véronique

2007-07-05T00:08:00.000-04:00

Film: dream-like, meditative
DVD: stunning, definitive
Irène Jacob: poetry, beauty
Music: haunting, evocative

I saw this 1991 film for the first time about ten years ago (thank you, Yelena). It has now been released on a beautiful Criterion Collection DVD. The 2.0 audio track is magnificently detailed.

Miss Jacob won Best Actress at Cannes for her fearlessly committed performance as Weronika/Véronique, and deservedly so. She is in nearly every frame of the film. One cannot help falling/feeling for her.

More propitiation required

2007-06-30T23:18:00.000-04:00

Barking mad, fraudulent, sexually deviant shamans have emerged from their burrows, blinking in the bright sunlight, to explicate the latest rumblings of their petulant storm god.

The Bishop of Bling

The Bishop of Carlisle said that English pro-gay legislation has so angered the Hebrew deity that Yahweh has sent along more floods to uproot thousands from their homes.

And I thought it was just American nutbags who said things like this...

The Daily Show vs. "real news"

2007-06-27T10:24:00.000-04:00

Rick Rojas posted an op-ed piece on how Jon Stewart's "The Daily Show" is providing better journalism than traditional outlets. I've seen comments like this before, and the usual context is how sad it is that traditional media sucks so much that a mere comedy show is a more worthwhile news source.

But it's not just that "The Daily Show" is great by comparison; it's great, period, and the difference is Jon Stewart himself.

What sets "The Daily Show" apart is Stewart's commitment to doing his homework. He's not just being snarky; he's up on the subjects, he reads his guests' books, and he has an equal-opportunity bullshit detector.

Investigative journalism has been on a downward spiral ever since the Reagan administration, when what passed for reporting was not much more than the verbatim regurgitation of Michael Deaver's press releases.

Even were it not so, "The Daily Show" would be valuable not only because it makes important news funny, but because it gets to the point quickly, exposes the hypocrisy, then moves on to the next issue.

Yay, Jon.

The four branches of government

2007-06-27T09:29:00.001-04:00

The four branches of the US government are: Executive, Legislative, Judicial, and Cheney. At least, this is what I gather according to the latest pronouncements from the office of the Penguin-in-Chief.

As reported here and elsewhere, a 2003 Executive Order requires all Executive Branch agencies and "any other entity within the executive branch that comes into the possession of classified information" to report on said information.

Cheney said he doesn't have to comply since, as President of the Senate, the Vice President is not part of the Executive Branch.

A quick look at the US government's own informational web site reveals that

"[t]he executive branch of the government is responsible for enforcing the laws of the land. The president, vice president, department heads (cabinet members), and heads of independent agencies carry out this mission."

Dick "futue te ipsum" Cheney is a lawlessness unto himself.

The more things change...

2007-06-21T22:30:00.000-04:00

Here's the scene: people are being attacked and enslaved by Muslims. Why?

The Koran says that anyone who does not acknowledge their authority are sinners.
It's their right and duty to make war upon whoever they can find.
It's their right and duty to enslave whoever they can imprison.
Every Muslim killed in battle will go to Paradise.

No, this didn't happen recently; it was 1785, and Presidents Adams and Jefferson were dealing with the piracy of the Barbary States.

Read more of Christopher Hitchens' article here.

Infallibility, fallibility, re-infallibility

2007-06-21T22:12:00.000-04:00

Some time ago, Joe Kennedy II got a divorce from his wife, and obtained an annulment from the Catholic Church; he subsequently remarried.

Then, his ex-wife decided she didn't like being nullified, so she sought and received a reversal of that decision. In effect, the annulment was annulled.

"First, there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is."

I can't think of any comment to make that's more ridiculous than the facts of the case, so I'll just wonder why someone wants their life to be ruled/ruined by a gang of thugs and child molesters in drag.