Saturday, October 20, 2007

Soulja Boy: "Crank Dat"

("Crank Dat" by Soulja Boy as interpreted by Greg O'Rear)


I have created a new dance step, which I have modestly named "Soldier Boy", after yours truly.

I would attempt to describe the dance, but (a) you would confuse it with my experiences with a paid escort, and (b) your attempts to approximate my level of competence would be laughable.

Your envy of me may cause you to threaten fisticuffs, but that would be a grave mistake, as I would retaliate with a firearm.

Therefore my advice to you is to enjoy my prowess, whether it be my limber ballroom skills, or my equally laudatory efforts in the boudoir, wherein the natural conclusion of my lovemaking is likely to be quite voluminous.

(Please buy my record, won't you? I suffer from a speech impediment that renders me incapable of pronouncing the second half of nearly every word.)

Friday, October 19, 2007

Britney Spears: "Gimme More"

("Gimme More" by Britney Spears, as interpreted by Greg O'Rear)

A telephone message conveys a mock-insult salutation, followed by a confession that Britney feels the desire to dance with the recipient of the call. Her tone of voice and giggle, however, indicate that her use of the word "dance" is a metaphor for sex.

The song begins:

Concurrent with dimmed illumination, I experience a Pavlovian compulsion to behave immodestly with you. So much so, in fact, that even though our dancing grows more erotic, I nevertheless am given to shameless exhibitionism, paparazzi notwithstanding. I imagine that the gaping onlookers are not satisfied by the spectacle, and exhort us to continue our brazen display.

Our gyrations are the focal point of the room, regardless of our location within it. Your dance steps are demanding and unorthodox, but the combination of athleticism and sensuality meets with my approval.

More photographs are taken, and I maintain my belief that the others in the room would not object if we continued unabated--an attitude with which I, given my lack of inhibition, concur.

Surely an orgasm is imminent.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The sniveling Chinese

The poor, sensitive Chinese government got its widdle feelings hurt when the US President met with the Dalai Lama in advance of the latter's receipt of the Congressional Gold Medal.

Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet

Yang Jiechi, the Chinese Foreign Minister, was quoted as saying, "We solemnly demand that the U.S. cancel the extremely wrong arrangements. It seriously violates the norm of international relations and seriously wounded the feelings of the Chinese people and interfered with China's internal affairs."

Suck on this, Hu Jintao

Never mind that Communist China invaded Tibet in 1951, and that 8 years later the Dalai Lama fled for his life.

I'm pretty sure China's textile slaves can produce enough hankies to dab the Party's collective (no pun intended) eyes and blow their noses. Sometimes a good cry is just what the doctor ordered.

Hey, China: go get yourselves a big carton of ice cream, climb into your jammies, and rent "Beaches", bitches.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Judgment to Rush

Drudge is reporting that Republican Congressman Jack Kingston has issued a resolution into the House of Representatives in support of Rush Limbaugh re the latter's comments about "phony soldiers".

The ass-kissing resolution reads like a commercial for Limbaugh (keywords: relentless, tireless, support, morale, solemn).

I've seen this Kingston character on "Real Time with Bill Maher". He's an empty-headed party-line-toeing dork who apparently has nothing better to do in Congress than light Limbaugh's big fat cigar.

That's OK, I guess. The House voted 341-79 last week to say how much they hated MoveOn.org's attack on General Petraeus/BetrayUs.

Might as well waste some more time on things that don't matter while the sun sets on the American Empire.

Who didn't see this coming?

Well, the Burmese military junta has exterminated its dissident clergy.

Another victim of the RanGoon Squad
Thousands of monks were imprisoned and/or slaughtered by the troops in Myanmar, who want to hold onto their power because...because of all the...the great and wonderful...I don't know why they want it, but they have it.

Meanwhile, the UN did nothing whatsoever, which I believe is in their charter: "1. Do nothing whatsoever."

Lapse

Northeast Louisiana's News-Star reports on an apparent lapse in judgment at the Alma J. Brown Elementary School at Grambling State University.

How exactly is this good for my self-esteem?
No, baby, I didn't say I was getting you new shoes; I said I was gonna noose yous!Kindergarten and first grade students were given a lesson in the history of racism and its relationship to the Jena Six incident, which the children were presumably "protesting". The kids--some wearing chains and shackles--were made to march around their playground, and one little girl was given an up-close-and-personal introduction to lynching.

I can only imagine the hue and cry over the outrageous insensitivity, had any white people been actively involved. They would have been castigated by "the Reverend" Al Sharpton faster than you can say "Imus".