Saturday, February 17, 2007

No offense

The University of Illinois have banned their American Indian mascot of 81 years so as not to offend, well, American Indians (actually, they didn't give a shit about offending anyone, but the NCAA sanctions hurt). "Heritage, not hate," some Illini alumni say. Perhaps they'll replace the Chief with Little Black Sambo.

The Mashpee Wampanoag were formally recognized by the US (after 400 years), thus freeing them up to practice their native cultural heritage, such as alcoholism and casino gambling. Hurray, more suckling from the government teat.

Tim Hardaway, a former professional athlete, shocked everyone by revealing that he is a homophobe. As a result, the NBA said he can't join in any reindeer games. Hardaway was reacting to former player John Amaechi's homosexuality, stating that gays shouldn't be allowed in the locker room. I guess Hardaway is such queer bait that they wouldn't be able to resist his masculine wiles.

Isaiah Washington, another black homophobe, went to gay-hab to ensure his continued presence on a successful TV show, after he had twice offended pretty much everyone on "Grey's Anatomy" by being a dick
(and not in a good way) to cast member TR Knight.

Gay-hab also cured evangelist Ted Haggard of his homosexuality. He will still drink the blood and eat the body of Christ, but not in a gay way. "I'm just like Lot, running away from sodomy--er, Sodom," Haggard might have said. Don't look back, Ted.

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